This is what PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance) can look like for a late-diagnosed perimenopausal AuDHDer who struggles with executive functioning and perfectionism. PDA is described as a behavioural profile within the autism spectrum that is characterised by an extreme need to avoid everyday demands and expectations, often due to heightened anxiety. I would say that for me, rather than a need to avoid, it feels like a glitch or a block in my brain, and is something I have very little control over. Pushing through feels very difficult, like wading through mud.
Here is how it shows up for me:
⚡ Not being able to write lists, as seeing all the tasks that need completing written down is too overwhelming.
⚡ Really wanting to complete a task and being ready to, but then my partner asks me to do it and my brain just says no.
⚡ Avoidance of necessary life admin e.g. forms for school or the dentist – I have twins so have to do everything twice, exactly the same which my brain absolutely hates.
⚡ Ignoring text messages from family and friends.
⚡ Muting WhatsApp groups.
⚡ Ignoring work emails with requests for contributions to leaving gifts.
⚡ Only being able to do a supermarket shop when I’m already out doing something else like dropping off the kids at their activity because leaving the house just for that is too many steps.
⚡ Snapping at my children at the end of the day when they’ve requested one too many things.
⚡ Staying in my pyjamas until 2pm at the weekend when I don’t have any plans.
⚡ Playing games on my phone instead of doing any number of things I’m supposed to.
⚡ Putting off projects I really want to start because then I’ll have to liaise with workmen and make way too many decisions.
⚡ Not posting on social media for weeks or months because being consistent doesn’t work with the fluctuating hormones of perimenopause and bowing to the algorithm is just a no.
⚡ Ordering on Deliveroo again because deciding what to cook every day and then actually cooking it is just too hard.
